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"A Father's Wish" was published
in 1979 by Reader's Digest. An unpublished response was also written in
1979 by Ross Mounsteven, who was then a coach. Although written years ago
for a son it still applies to daughters and very little seems to have changed since that time.
A FATHER'S
WISH
Dear Coach
:
Tomorrow morning my son starts hockey. He's going to step out on
the ice, and his great adventure that will probably include joys and
disappointments begins.
So I wish you would tabke him by his young hand and teach him the things he
will have to know. Teach him to respect the referee and that his judgement
is final. Teach him not to hate his competitors, but to admire their
skill. Teach him it is just as important to be a playmaker and get an
assist as it is to score a goal. Teach him to play as a team and never be
selfish. Teach him never to blame his goaltender when a goal is scored
against him, because five mistakes were made before the puck got to the
goalie. Teach him that winning is not everything, but trying to win
is. Teach him it is far more honourable to lose than it is to cheat.
Teach him to be a competitor. Teach him to close his ears to the howling
mob and to stand up for himself if he is right. Teach him gently but don't
coddle him, because only the test of fire makes fine steel.
This is a big
order, Coach, and I place my son in your hands. See what you can do for
him. He is such a nice little fellow.
His Dad.
A COACH'S
RESPONSE
Dear Dad:
As in so many
situations. It was interesting to read your note in Reader's Digest.
It seems so often that after the newspaper, league executives, and all your
friends and neighbours, the coach finds out, second hand, how you
feel.
It's a delight to
see you emphasize the teaching aspect of my role as coach. I agree
wholeheartedly, but have you ever tried to teach someone who wants to shoot two
more pucks before he joins the team when I've blown my whistle, or, having
joined the team, is more interested in knocking the skates out from under his
teammates, or wants to talk to his neighbour while I'm trying to teach a
point?
How do I teach
respect for authority to a boy who listens to parents scream at a referee, curse
a policeman, or complain about bosses and politicians?
How do I teach
admiration or skills to a boy who watches professionals grab, trip and fight,
and then hears parents yelling "Hit", "Grab Him", or "Kill" from the
stands?
How do I teach
play-making to a boy who is paid by parents or relatives for each goal he
scores, or is told he is the best, and not to waste his passes on
others?
How do I teach a
boy tolerance of the mistakes of others, including goaltenders, when all of our
society stresses perfection, and he is constantly reminded of his success and
his "Good plays", his "super passes", his "Great checks", and nobody points out
his own fallibility?
How do I teach
honour and fairness to a boy who watches his loved ones ease over the speed
limit, drink booze in the stands, or keep the extra dollar that a store clerk
gives by mistake?
I agree that the
test of fire makes steel, that he must stand up for himself if what he feels is
right, that trying is more important than winning. But that is LIFE, not
just a hockey game!
You asked me to
make your son into a man... and I can't do that. I can only teach him a
set of skills, called hockey, that will fit into the principles of life that he,
and you live by. The respect for authority, admiration for the skills of
others, co-operation, tolerance, honour, integrity, and self respect have to
come to the arena with him. Then and only then, can I teach him to play
hockey the way you and I think it should be played.
Your son's
coach.
Article posted by Lorne Merner.
Page last updated January 2, 2007
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